Mark Sturgell @pdncoach coaches and teaches others how to live a more purpose-filled life from a Biblical perspective. Mark is also a member of Worldprayr's senior team. We are continuously blessed by his wisdom and insight. Take time to enjoy Mark’s thoughts this morning. Also take time to follow Mark on Twitter and read his blog.
About 21 years ago, I was so eager to get out of an employment situation that I accepted a promotion that I had previously turned down three times. I took a position that was a U-turn from my chosen career path and I moved to a community that for years I touted as “the last place on earth I would ever live.” I had no idea God was very much in control and was laying His groundwork for great things to come.
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Me - a young writer, editor and media relations specialist with dreams of someday having my byline in the Atlantic Monthly magazine – now I was helping people with disabilities find employment in “yuk-town USA”. Before accepting the promotion and move I was perfectly honest with the person who offered the opportunity to me. I told him I could only accept the offer to escape my current situation and would seek to move on very quickly, and I considered that unfair. His response: “Mark if you are able to use this as a quick stepping stone then I have done you a favor. But I think you are going to like this work, I know you will be great at it, and I believe you will stay for a long time. If I am right, you have done me a favor.”
I stayed in that job for nine years. I became great at the work. I found my purpose in life through that work. But for nine years, I would often think, share with others and pray this singular thought:
“Why am I here? Is God preparing me for something? Is God preparing me to be the parent of a child with a disability?”
God was indeed at work in my life. But the best was yet to come.
Over time I become one of the most productive people in the field with better placement numbers than my colleagues in far more lucrative markets. I began being asked to speak at conferences, plan events, train my peers, and eventually wrote a book. My success in speaking and training led me to realize after nine years I was ready for another transition and career change.
On November 1, 1997, I left my job and the field of vocational rehabilitation field.
Almost to that very same day, my wife and I conceived our third child. About nine months later, our third son, Ryan Mark, was born on a Saturday evening in July. At 9 a.m. the next morning, while I was at home, the pediatrician called me to get back to the hospital. She reported that they had established that my son had Down syndrome and my wife was upset and needed me.
There is much I could say about that day, about the two weeks that followed, and the six months after that when Ryan nearly starved because he lacked the muscle tone necessary to suck milk for nourishment. There is much I could say about Ryan through the years, but I will attempt to brief.
By that Sunday afternoon, my wife and I both had come to realize we were not really all that upset by the fact Ryan had Down syndrome; we were just surprised. We selfishly thought about how this might someday change our retirement plans, but had few other concerns. We were already showing the first seeds of what would soon become our sincere excitement about the possibilities Ryan presented for himself, for us and society in the years to come. I had one concern, though, and I expressed it to our associate pastor who visited us that afternoon. “There will be people who come to us,” I explained, “and say something like “God would only give a special child like Ryan to special parents like you.’ I know I will hear that and I will want to slap them.”
How presumptuous and shallow these kinds of statements are on so many levels. Yet, our pastor was wise and I will never forget her words because together they have become a core value of mine in the years since:
“Mark, you must be prepared to accept the grace that people have to offer you.”
Ryan had thus begun the ministry that would become his life. You see, my son Ryan has a distinct purpose in life. Seventeen babies were born with Down syndrome in our county that year – truly an anomaly. Sixteen sets of parents, to various degrees, were grieving and frightened about their newborns and the difficulties that Down syndrome can and did present.
Grief had driven one couple to travel the country looking for a “cure”, and as a result they were quickly becoming leading-edge experts on the care, health, education and overall development issues associated with raising a child with Downs. My wife and i, on the other hand, were so comfortable with the fact that Ryan had Downs that we weren’t motivated to learn any more than we already knew.
Out of one couple’s extreme grief and another couple’s complete acceptance, a ministry was born. Together, our two couples put together a plan to start a new “0-3” developmental program based on the concept of reverse-integration, a very new concept that meant integrating typical children into a group of children with disabilities. The school got funded and our children were among the first group of infant/toddler students.
Now Ryan is in 5th grade, in our neighborhood school in a typical classroom although he receives special education services. He is an incredible child who engages people in a powerful way on a daily basis. Not just by the stereotypical “heightened social skills” way that you might notice with many children with Downs. Ryan is uniquely engaging and his leadership skills increase all the time. He has changed our school district in profound ways and he is a huge influence in our community, along with several other of the 17 children with Down syndrome born in 1997-1998 in Macon County, Illinois.
Ryan has shaped the life of our family in many ways. He shapes the hearts of his older brothers, their friends, our neighbors, our church, our extended family and on and on and on. Ryan is just the kind of answer to prayer that many people need in this world. He loves completely, deeply and unconditionally like few can.
Ironically, a few years ago at our traditional family Thanksgiving gathering, my aunts (I dearly love my aunts) got to talking about Ryan and two of them remarked together, “You know Mark, our very large family is blessed with so many wonderful people, yet we truly believe that out of all of us, God knew what He was doing when He gave a special child like Ryan to special parents like you and Judi.”
My heart broke. The fact that these words, which were a source of bitterness for me years earlier, now represented the most honorable statement of loving respect was overwhelming. Ryan is a blessing to us and to the world. If we are special in any way, it is because Ryan and his brothers are helping us become special with Gods’ help.
Little did I know all those years ago, when I was wondering if God was plotting to make me a parent of a child with a disability someday, that I was really praying a prayer that God had placed on my heart, just as he planted in me the seed that became Ryan Mark. Whatever your fears, whatever struggles you have right now, whatever journey you may be on that seems to have no clear direction, destination or meaning, know that God has a plan for you, a plan to prosper you on His terms, not to harm you. God has a special plan for a special person like you, to give you hope and a future…for our God reigns.
Those thoughts and prayers you may be having now: “Why am I here? Are you preparing me? Where would you have me go? What would you have me do?” Know this: you may be praying just the prayer that God wants you to pray, and He will provide you the answer in His time.
Mark Sturgell
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